The Cop that had a bad day...

On the way home, at 4:30 A.M., I was stopped by a cop. He decides to check me because I gave him a 'false story' when he asked where I was going and I replied, "home". Why he thought that was a lie I'll never know. I think he was having a bad day. He tells me to place my hands behind my back and very clearly say, "...and pray to God." When I asked him to repeat what he said, (yes I heard him clearly I wanted to see if he'd say it twice), he said "Place your hands behind your back as if you were praying to God." Sneaky wordplay there, 'occifer'! He proceeded to take my wallet, my iPod, the change in my pocket, my flashdrive and a black inked pen from me (completely ignoring my headphones at first). 

Cop: "So, where are you going?"

Me: "Home."

Cop: "Where are you coming from?"

Me: "The park..." (which wasn't a lie, I was tired from walking so I took a break at Alondra Park to sit down)

Cop: "Why were you in the park?"

Me: "I was just relaxing a little bit. My feet hurt."

Cop: "Why does your feet hurt?"

Me: "...because I've been walking all night." 

Cop: "Why were you walking all night?"

Me: "I like to walk around at night, it's much cooler than during the day and I can't sleep."

Cop: "Where have you been walking?"

Me: "All around Lawndale... no place in particular, just...walking."

At this point, the cop literally frisked me three times and when he started to do it the fourth time I asked him if there was a point in doing it four complete times?

Cop: "Oh? You don't like it when I frisk you? Do you have a problem with it?"

Me: "Nope, not at all. I've nothing to hide."

Cop: "...because I'll frisk you five times if I feel like it."

Me: "If that helps you determine if I'm holding something I shouldn't be, then fine."

Cop: "Oh... okay, yeah... alright, let's make this a good stop, you don't want this to be a bad stop... come here."

He was pulling me to the car, so telling me to 'come here' didn't make much of a difference, now did it? 

When he opened up the back seat he asked, "What are these?" He was referring to the massive headphones around my neck.

Me: "Headphones..."

Cop: "Yeah? Is that what they are? You sure? What are they connected to?"

Me: "...my iPod?"

Cop: "iPod? What iPod? I don't see an iPod..."

Me: "My shirt is covering it, it's attached to my belt loop thingy on my jeans."

Cop: "Weird place to keep an iPod... get in the car."

So, I got into the car and I watched him go through my wallet six times, yes folks.... six times. After awhile he gets in the car and sits down.

Cop: "First name?"

Me: "Devon. D-E-V-O-N"

Cop: "Last?"

Me: "Chastain. C-H-A-S-T-A-I-N"

Cop: "Middle?"

Me: "Adam. A-D-.... well, yeah, Adam."

Cop: "Are you on parole? Do you have any drugs on you? Are you on probation? Anything like that?"

Me: "No, no, no. Nothing."

Cop: "My computer says you don't exist. Give me your information again.

So I did...

Cop: "Now what's your birthday?"

Me: "March 29th, 1991"

Cop: "So you're like what, 19?"

Me: "20..."

Cop: "Hmmm. What's the name of the guy you were with?"

Me: "What guy?"

Cop: "I saw you with a guy earlier, what's his name?"

Me: "I wasn't with anybody..."

Cop: "You sure?"

Me: "Quite sure."

Cop: "Do you have any drugs on you?"

Me: "...no."

Cop: "That guy you were with, are you buds?" *I seriously heard him incorrectly here, my fault.*

Me: "....um, no? Would you like me to take a test or something? You can keep looking if you're having a bad day but you won't find anything."

Cop: *Stares at me*

Me: "What?"

Cop: "I said, are you buds?"

Me: "Ohhh, I thought you asked if I was buzzed. Sorry, I'm not hearing everything that's coming through for some reason."

Cop: "You're not hearing right? Really? You know what it is? It's the damn wars."

Me: "What?"

Cop: "You know, the war on terrorism... I know your type, shooting those AKs at those people. You shoot them so damn often you can't hear. You know, because those AKs are really loud, like a war vetern, you know?"

Me: "Um..."

Cop: "That's why you can't hear, seriously. Shooting those AKs. Do you have ID?"

Me: "Yes"

Cop: "What's your driver's license number?"

Me: "I have no idea, you have my wallet."

Cop: "Really? You don't have your number?"

Me: "I said, it's in my wallet. I don't know it by heart."

Cop: "Do you have a government issued identification card?"

Me: "If you're once again referring to a state ID, yes! It's in my wallet."

Cop: "In your wallet? Hmmm"

The cop then gets out of the car and checks my wallet yet again. After viewing my ID, he opened the door and told me to get out.

Cop: "Here is your hippy-hopster headphones. Go ahead and get your stuff."

Me: "Mmmkay."

Cop: "Always have your ID on you... because I couldn't scan you on my computer, if I felt like it you'd be in jail right now."

Me: "Even with my ID here?"

Cop: "You have your ID?"

Me: "...you looked at it, literally seven times."

Cop: "I'd look at it 8 times if I felt like it, do you have a problem with that?"

Me: "Nope, not at all."

Cop: "Good, get outta here and try not to give me attitude next time and things will be a lot easier."

All in all, this cop was indeed a grade A jerk. I should have ended the lovely encounter with a "By the way, may I request your name and badge number please?" to be a smartass mainly because I had nothing to hide. But, he stopped me for over an hour trying to scan my name which wouldn't appear on his computer and I get home around 5:35.

I may regret this, but I'm going to publish this without proofreading, I'm tired.